A prisoner in Pakistan says he woke up last weekend with a lightbulb in his butt. Surgeons removed the bulb in a one and a half hour operation Wednesday. The man is serving a four year sentence for making alcohol, which is illegal in Pakistan.

Three men dressed as clowns broke through the perimeter fence at a Minuteman II nuclear missile site in North Dakota early this week. The men also got through a personnel entry hatch and proceeded to spray paint graffiti on the 110-ton hardened silo lid. Security personnel responded within minutes and took the clowns into custody.

Zookeepers have nearly got Xiku the chimpanzee to quit smoking cigarettes but the primate now turns to beer to help him through it all. The 26-year-old chimp started smoking by emulating the actions of zoo visitors. Xiku is down to just four cigarettes a day.

Opera is on the verge of releasing a web brower for the Nintendo DS in Japan. The software includes a memory expansion pack and a handwriting recognition system. Pricing for the Japanese version is set at around $33. A US release date has not been announced (of course).

Cadbury is recalling over a million chocolate bars because of salmonella contamination. The company reasurred customers that they shouldn’t worry having eating one but remaining products should be returned for a refund.

An Isreali study has found that women undergoing invitro fertilization (IVF) treatments were more likely to conceive if they found a performance by a clown entertaining. They theorize the women who were most stressed were less entertained and also less likely to conceive.

A beagle is being hailed as a hero after the dog called 911 when his owner went into a diabetic seizure. The dog bit the owner’s cell phone activating the number 9 which was programmed to call the emergency operator. The owner woke up in the hospital with the dog in the room with her.