Gynaecologists in Germany are calling for G-strings to be banned because they are associated with an enormous rise in patients suffering from genital inflammation. Friction from the G-strings appears to be the cause of the inflammation.

A man swinging a sledgehammer at a flying bat struck and killed his father-in-law. The police and coroner report the incident appears to have been an accident.

A study by GMAC Insurance revealed that the Northeast has the United States’ dumbest drivers. The state with the worst drivers was Rhode Island followed by Massachusetts and New Jersey. The study was performed by giving drivers written tests to measure basic knowledge about traffic laws and safety.

A group of doctors called for a ban on the sale of long, pointy kitchen knives on Friday. The common kitchen utensil is used in up to half of all stabbings. The pointed design was at one time commonly used to spear meat but largely serves no purpose anymore.

The driver of a Rolls Royce Corniche was scratching lottery tickets in when he accidentally rolled the car into the ocean Wednesday. One of the people who worked to recover the car noted it would probably never drive again.

An 86-year-old woman was jailed after calling 911 operators 20 times in a half hour to complain about a pizza parlor. In addition to misusing the 911 system, the woman was charged with resisting arrest.

A giant dominatrix teddy bear has been banned from Zurich’s street display of man-sized teddy bears. Zurich’s “Teddy-Summer” project featuers around 600 teddy bears each decorated by artists and displayed throughout the town’s streets.