Will Smith, the star of this summer’s action flick I, Robot, doesn’t use toilet paper. He is a stern advocate of wet-wipes and describes the experience as “special and incredible”.

Two men were injured Wednesday when they lit fireworks inside a car but were unable to throw it out of the rolled-up windows. One of the pair is in critical condition with second and third degree burns on his arms and legs. Alcohol was involved.

A suspected human foot found in a package of chicken Monday has been determined to be just a piece of dough. Police believe the perpetrator intentionally shaped the dough to resemble a small foot.

An RAF Top Gun pilot is facing a court marital for flying so low he hit a lamppost with his plane. The aircraft was travelling approximately 600 mph when it clipped the lamppost at 54ft. The collision tore off the plane’s left wingtip and could cost 3.7 million dollars to repair.

The United States Air Force is sending a recruiter to the 66th annual American Accordionists Association festival this week in Boston in hopes of finding a replacement for its retired accordian player. Candidates must be under age 35, fit weight and fitness requirements, and be able to get a security clearance.

The University of Hawaii medical school has stopped accepting donated bodies to train students because the morgue’s air conditioning broke and its embalmer quit. The school plans to have the air conditioning fixed in time to accept new cadavers starting September 1.

In Auckland an abundance of teenage prostitutes has led to tumbling prices illicit sex. Whereas seasoned workers once demanded $100, they now have to settle for as little as $20, or even less for oral sex.