An 84-year-old woman was stunned when she attempted to phone order a 1,000-piece jigsaw of Montreal’s Nôtre Dame cathedral only to be told she was too old to buy it. The company has since apologized and says the company has no ban on elderly customers.

A sleep specialist claims fat motorists may be more dangerous than those who have been drinking because they may suffer from the sleep apnea. The disorder causes sufferers to wake as many as 1000 times a night and is blamed for daytime drowsiness.

Democratic presidential rivals are accusing John Kerry of undergoing Botox injections to smooth out wrinkles. A Kerry spokesperson provided the perfect counter-argument, saying “have you looked at him?”

In addition to human customers, cosmetic tattoo artist Teri Reid also tattoos eyeliner on horses. American paint horses often have no dark pigmentation around their eyes, which can result in severe glare, cataracts, and even cancer. The dark tattoos, applied under general anesthesia, absorb much of the glare.

A North Carolina man claims to have developed an engine capable of space travel through the bending of gravity. The engine would allow ultra-light materials to be used for the body of the aircraft and would make the ship bulletproof.

A Wisconsin goat farmer said Monday he’s innocent of charges he sliced open a conscious mother goat giving birth and helped burn a goat alive. He said the two former workers who brought the animal cruelty claims against him are lying.

Winston Churchill’s 104-year-old parrot still curses the Nazis and Hitler. The female parrot, named Charlie, was bought by Churchill in 1937.